It's one thing to make rules and another to live by them. Each year, every team at Valley Crossing Community School in Woodbury, Minnesota, makes up a few rules to keep their community safe and strong. Then the rules from the teams are consolidated to make "neighborhood" rules (there are three neighborhoods in the school, each with students from grades K-6).

Finally, at a Constitutional Convention made up of one student representative from each team (9 representatives), the neighborhood rules are consolidated to make all-school rules. The challenge all the way through, as Principal Mary Anderson reminds them each year, is to write the rules so that they are meaningful to everyone-kindergartners as well as sixth graders. The task is academically and socially challenging.

Some years the final version of the rules is posted throughout the school and announced on Valley News, the student-run radio station. That helps keep them alive, as does the fact that all the adults use the language of the rules consistently, and students are encouraged to use it during conflict resolution sessions. For example, "Which one of the rules do you need to work on to avoid this problem in the future?"

Quarterly focus
Each quarter of the school year, the teachers select a focus for social development. They choose a children's book that illustrates one of the five social skills that guide their relationships: Cooperation, Assertion, Responsibility, Empathy, and Self-control. Each neighborhood takes a turn at leading a gathering about the skill. Someone reads the book at an assembly; then the whole school participates in a short activity that further brings the theme alive.

One year, the activity was to write an example of how you or someone else showed kindness and helped other people, whether at home, in your neighborhood, or at school. See the list on page 9 for some of the kindnesses the children reported. What makes Valley Crossing a positive community is this shared, activated intention to be a supportive and kind group of people. Adults and students solve problems together, and, without punishments or threats, they grow to be the kind of people they most admire.

Students' Reported Kindnesses

• I broke the ice on the driveway so my dad's truck wouldn't slip.
• Kaylee shared some jewelry with Jessica.
• Jacob took my dirty dishes to the sink to help my mom.
• I helped clean my brother Calvin's mess.
• I sorted laundry for my mom.
• I say "please" and "thank you."
• I read to Noah.
• I helped take out the garbage.I take turns with my friends playing games.
• I helped my dad shovel the driveway.I walk the neighbor's dog.
• On Thursday, I helped my bus driver entertain three little boys to keep them from fighting.
• I gave my little brother first choice on the candy we had to share.
• I always stack my and Chong's chairs.
• I played with my sister when she was left out.
• I helped mop the floors.
• I made a birthday card for my cousins.
• I helped my brother and sister know that no matter how small they are they can still be special.
• I helped my dad find glue.
• I held open the door for some people when we left the Children's Theater.
• I made scrambled eggs for my brothers.
• I told my brother his painting looked beautiful.

Linda Crawford is the Executive Director of Origins.

This article first appeared in Origins: A Newsletter for Elementary Educators, Winter 2011